“I’ve been writing for about eleven years. I went from elfish to elephantish, and in another eleven years I hope to be… — Jarod Kintz Writer Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a warm topping on a hamburger, sort of like processed cheese, only tastier and healthier. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Though my skull is the size of a soup bowl, everything in the universe—and more—can fit inside my imagination. And guess what?… — Jarod Kintz Imagination Copy Share Image
“An empty bag of chips would make a great sleeping bag, if it were larger. Or if I were smaller, thinner, tastier,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If somebody wanted me dead, I’d try to convince them to wait 25 years, for technology to arrive, so they can go… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m the best me I can be. I didn’t achieve this through hard work, but by murdering my over performing clones. ” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.” — Jarod Kintz Supermodel Copy Share Image
“If love were circular, like a yawn, and I were dynamic and geometric, like an isosceles triangle, would you take me to… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“We are the wire, and tomorrow is like yesterday with a furry back. Don’t pet me, Tuesday! Please don’t Wednesday with my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To fly is to swim in the air, and a brick could be used as an as example to highlight man’s failure… — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“If I had three magic wishes, I’d use the first wish for one more, to replace the one I just wasted wishing… — Jarod Kintz Wishing Copy Share Image
“To say that I grew up without parents is a lie, because I haven’t grown up yet. Also, all six of my… — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“If you asked me to mow your lawn, I’d say sure—just as soon as you move your lawn directly above mine.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My shirt and pants should match my in-laws’ wallpaper, so like a chameleon I can be both there and not there at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over the floor buttons and have a sign… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can read people like an open book, especially if their named Braille, and I’m in a touchy-feely mood.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.” — Jarod Kintz Good enough Copy Share Image
“Of all the pessimistic people, I am the most optimistic. I look forward to looking down on all the people looking up… — Jarod Kintz Hope Copy Share Image
“I did what I did for my clone, not for my own personal gain. It wasn’t right that he asked it of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of how well I walked on the… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“If you’re tired of taking one step forward and two steps back, just turn around. That way you’ll be going forward in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream,” only less colorful.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t collect awards, I collect empty trophy cases. Once my collection is large enough, I’m going to start collecting broken dreams.” — Jarod Kintz Broken dreams Copy Share Image
“An invisible wall of super condensed jelly would make a great shield to stop bullets and sarcasm.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an open jar of mayonnaise. I guess… — Jarod Kintz Morning Copy Share Image
“I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann die, but if they did, and you wrote… — Jarod Kintz Haiku Copy Share Image
“I’m wise when it comes to your issues, and a fool when it comes to mine. Emotion is the blindfold we cannot… — Jarod Kintz Emotion Copy Share Image
“While all men want to be free, some want to be free to think what they want, and other men want to… — Jarod Kintz Free thought Copy Share Image
“My plan to live from 65 to forever is to simply keep showing up. I also don’t want to retire at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my name were Theodore Tiffany, my goal in life would be to meet and marry a woman named Tiffany Theodore. I… — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“William Penn would be a great pen name. But for love letters to manicured lawns, trees, and benches, the best name would… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Some events in your life leave a lasting impression. A thing that majorly impacted my life was the car that hit me… — Jarod Kintz Impacted Copy Share Image
“I would never date Austin. Not that it’s gay, but it’s simply too densely populated for a relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I go to networking events because what else am I going to do? I’ve already finished my daily planning for how to… — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
