Gilbert Gottfried Quotes

55 quotes in 749 categories

• I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.
• You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
• I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts…
• Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.
• Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
• I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.'
• What do Japanese Jews love to eat? Hebrew National Tsunami.
• Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.
• If they'd wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn't have asked for me.
• I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
• I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
• You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
• If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
• No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
• The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
• Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.
• I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life.
• I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.
• I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.
• I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.

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