Gilbert Gottfried Quotes
55 quotes
in 749 categories
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I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts…
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Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.'
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What do Japanese Jews love to eat? Hebrew National Tsunami.
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Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.
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If they'd wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn't have asked for me.
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
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You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
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If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
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Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.
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I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life.
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I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.
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I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.
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I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
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