My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant. — Elayne Boosler Family Copy Share Image
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn… — Elayne Boosler Born Copy Share Image
My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down… — Elayne Boosler Food Copy Share Image
San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people. — Elayne Boosler Fun Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers? — Elayne Boosler Aids Copy Share Image
Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper. — Elayne Boosler Animal Copy Share Image
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. — Elayne Boosler Depressed Copy Share Image
President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live. — Elayne Boosler Cute Copy Share Image
I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat,… — Elayne Boosler Bike Copy Share Image
Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas… — Elayne Boosler Abe Copy Share Image
I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and… — Elayne Boosler America Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, 'Nobody was harmed in the making of… — Elayne Boosler Animal Copy Share Image
I love being down at Occupy Wall Street. The sincerity, the youth involvement, the desire for better, is palpable and moving. There… — Elayne Boosler Caring Copy Share Image
People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more… — Elayne Boosler Baby Copy Share Image
The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start… — Elayne Boosler Heartache Copy Share Image
I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as… — Elayne Boosler Animal Copy Share Image
You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number. — Elayne Boosler Cash Copy Share Image
Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating. — Elayne Boosler Creating Copy Share Image
We have wild animals in zoos, yet people rarely meet their 'food' face to face. — Elayne Boosler Animal Copy Share Image
For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton. — Elayne Boosler Business Copy Share Image
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. — Elayne Boosler Men Copy Share Image
You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. — Elayne Boosler Deer Copy Share Image
Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help. — Elayne Boosler Arguing Copy Share Image
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this… — Elayne Boosler All kinds Copy Share Image
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. — Elayne Boosler Divorced Copy Share Image
I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart… — Elayne Boosler Grandma Copy Share Image
Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or… — Elayne Boosler Change Copy Share Image
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's… — Elayne Boosler Audience Copy Share Image
I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you… — Elayne Boosler Book Copy Share Image
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. — Elayne Boosler Comedy Copy Share Image
Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers. — Elayne Boosler Affectionate Copy Share Image
Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again? — Elayne Boosler Enough Copy Share Image
My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor. — Elayne Boosler Brother Copy Share Image
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for… — Elayne Boosler Forty Copy Share Image
Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have… — Elayne Boosler America Copy Share Image
Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower. — Elayne Boosler Dry Copy Share Image
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. — Elayne Boosler Born Copy Share Image
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. — Elayne Boosler Depressed Copy Share Image
My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy. — Elayne Boosler Breakup Copy Share Image
There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb. — Elayne Boosler Afraid Copy Share Image
