Best David Letterman Wisdom
- Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants. Everyone
- And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States. Day
- New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of… Assailant
- A priest in New York City was arrested on gun possession. These days, you better be happy that the bulge in his pocket is a… Arrested
- I went to the beach a couple of times in New York City. Tough summer out there, but I was pretty excited. I found what… Beach
- Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed. Bed
- I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. Act
- There is no off position on the genius switch. Genius
- There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior.… All
- There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. Accounting
- Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. Action
- People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and… Along
- Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. Angeles
- Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they… Bad
- Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to… All
- Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno. Arnold
- It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. Arnold
- President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. Been
- President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? Bush
- Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. Funny
- USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. Apparently
- We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours. Bad
- Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things… Bombs
- President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the… American
- Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris… Ban
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