Best David Letterman Sayings
- I haven't reached nirvana yet, but I've been to Detroit. Been
- If you didn’t believe it before — and it’s easy to understand how you might have been sceptical on this point — if you didn’t… Absolutely
- While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut. Bypass
- Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They're going to hike to the top of his money. Big
- Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket. Coat
- I worry about Rick Perry. One, he's too conservative, Two, his debating skills. And three ... Oh crap, what was three? Conservative
- Hey, guess who's gay? The Green Lantern from the comic books. Today Mitt Romney knocked him down and shaved his head. Book
- Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than a guy who… Advice
- Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century. Century
- Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, 'Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a… Advance
- Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie. Chris
- The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying… Board
- Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new birth certificate. All
- Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical. Allowed
- Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor. Car
- Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running.… Effective
- Over the weekend Mitt Romney went body surfing. He has not body surfed since the '90s when he starred on 'Baywatch.' Baywatch
- Mitt Romney was a guest on 'The Tonight Show' on NBC. It's interesting — you have an empty suit trying to please everyone, and then… Empty
- Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. And earlier today, they ruled his death was a suicide. Bin
- Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him. All
- You all know Newt Gingrich. Newt is short for Newton. People say if that's the case, what is Mitt short for? It's short for 'Mittens.' All
- Osama bin Laden was living in that compound with three wives. It's like he was Newt Gingrich. Bin
- I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they… All
- They're saying now that Rick Santorum is gaining momentum because he's not Romney. And Mitt Romney was furious. He replied, 'Well, I can do that. Furious
- Newt Gingrich has criticized 'New York elites' who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning. Criticized
More Ways to Read David Letterman Quotes
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