Chris Rock Quotes

165 quotes in 1793 categories

• You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.
• When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.'…
• The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do…
• You could be married and bored or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.
• I always say about my daughters, they save me from my miserable self. They take me out, you know, a comedian, you could live in…
• Oprah is rich; Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a ... window and slit…
• Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.
• No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.
• I believe you have my property!
• No, I want big ol' titties in my face!
• I can't even put gas in my plane!
• My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it, but my mother…
• The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they’re not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide,…
• Relationships, easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie! ‘Cause you…
• You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.
• Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.
• You can't have anything valuable in your house. Niggers will break in and take it all! Everything white people don't like about black people, black…
• I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.
• Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep. And when I see the Tea Party and all this stuff, it actually feels…
• I love black people, but I hate niggers.

Browse Chris Rock Quotes by Category