I might've been witty, but I didn't have a shtick. So, I never considered myself a comedian. — Scott Adsit Copy Share Image
“Hands can cook, hands can create, hands can kill. There is no better tool than our hands.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
“Good,’ he said. ‘Cause Maggie’s all the nightmare I can take.’ I smiled. ‘Gus, I never knew you dreamed of me.’ He… — Jessica Shirvington Copy Share Image
I can't listen to the radio. Every love song reminds me of you. It hurts. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of… — George Eliot Copy Share Image
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
This Is The Beginning Of A New Day! You Have Been Given This Day To Use As You Will! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty. — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
The next best thing to being witty is to quote another's wit. — Christian Nevell Bovee Copy Share Image
Pornography: That which excites, whether from approval or disapproval. — Leonard Rossiter Copy Share Image
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh;… — George Herbert Copy Share Image
I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
