Witty Quotes · Page 79

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

— Anonymous

I'm not bisexual, I'm tri-sexual. I try everything

— Shahrukh Khan

INFATUATION, A wasting disease easily cured -- by marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a female hypochondriac marries a pill;

— Nikhil Saluja

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

— Voltaire

For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face.

— Nikhil Saluja

I believe in free will. Of those that, like us, are in a privileged situation at least. For you, for me: people…

— J. K. Rowling

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

To me, drink responsibly means don't spill it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

This makes me so sore it gets my dandruff up.

— Samuel Goldwyn

Doesnt expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

— Superman

If my tweets offend you: 1. I'm sorry. 2. It won't happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You're a pussy.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A word that should be pronounced as mirage;

— Nikhil Saluja

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

— Terry Pratchett

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

— Woody Allen

You are honorable... when you find your honor is to honor others.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel pretty and witty and gay. And I pity any girl who isn't me today.

— Marni Nixon

I miss the days where I starred you and you retweeted me.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A female who would rather mend your ways than your socks;

— Nikhil Saluja

“Why Fight When You Can Negotiate?”

— Captain Jack Sparrow

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

— Nikhil Saluja

I won't belong to a club that accepts me as a member

— Oscar Wilde