I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People do not want to be disillusioned by the new president [Barak Obama]. The liberals felt, finally, this is our time. Now… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We do it all the time, we legislate taste. We do it with the tax code. Churches and children get a tax… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The idea that I hear from the right wing in the last few decades, is that any sort of sacrifice is an… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't want to start a movement that mirrors religion. I don't want to create the church of the non-believers where I'm… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
