Toilets Quotes · Page 7

“I understand toilets were not yet invented when you were born, but is it really so hard to put the seat down?”

— Christy Gissendaner

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said…

— Don Rickles

People don't want to hear about me having leather walls or gold toilets.

— Kevin Hart

Most of the time he [Marlon Brando] sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.

— Rex Reed

The humble latrine, or flush toilet, reduces disease by twice as much as just putting in clean water.

— Rose George

My aunt in Knoxville would bring newspapers up, which we used for toilet paper. Before we used it, we'd look at the…

— Dolly Parton

It wasn't long ago I was cleaning toilets and now I have protestors. How cool is this?

— William P. Young

Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'

— Bill Maher

There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails…

— Dave Barry

The left’s idea of “science” is that we should all be riding bicycles and using the Clivus Multrum composting latrines instead of…

— Ann Coulter

Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even…

— Jodi Picoult

There was no glam squad, whatsoever. There were no dressing rooms. There were no bathrooms. Let's start at our base level. We…

— Katie Aselton

By the care she lavishes on her toilet, by the concern she has for her beauty set off by her adornment, a…

— Georges Bataille

I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they…

— Anonymous

The main part of the house is a deep red and I have butterscotch carpet. And I have a bathroom with leopard…

— Macy Gray

“The concept of public toilets has not yet caught on in most of India. Morning and evening, villagers simply squat along the…

— Juliana Buhring

After the bare requisites to living and reproducing, man wants most to leave some record of himself, a proof, perhaps, that he…

— John Steinbeck

Each civilization may choose one of two roads to travel, that is, either fret itself to death, or pet itself to death.…

— Stanislaw Lem

I quite enjoy fame, especially when you go to conventions in America where they treat you like a god with stretch limos…

— Sylvester McCoy

Rochelle," she calls out, still looking at me. "Is there anyone down at the desk? I need something." I'm too startled to…

— Patricia McCormick

I am at a loss to figure out how to rid my e-mail of those bottom-feeders of the electronic world, the generators…

— Richard Turner

“So one time when I was working in this motel one of the toilets leaked and I had to replace the flapper…

— Barbara Kingsolver

I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to…

— Joan Rivers

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented,…

— John Oliver

Why do I continue making movies? Making movies is better than cleaning toilets.

— Klaus Kinski

When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now…

— Dylan Moran

[Americans] can't understand that the water in our toilet is cleaner than 880 million have access to.

— Matt Damon

New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature.

— Thomas Jefferson

No one goes to the toilet in novels. You'd think none of us had bladders.

— Germaine Greer

Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.

— J. D. Salinger

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

— Rob Delaney

I was a maid, so cleaning toilets wasn't my favorite thing, but honestly, standing outside all day in the cold was worse.

— Kristin Bauer van Straten

Literature has nothing to do with usefulness; the most useful place in any house is the toilet.

— Theophile Gautier

Not to go to the theater is like making one's toilet without a mirror.

— Arthur Schopenhauer

Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.

— Sandra Bullock

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

— Bill Cosby

If your catchphrase has appeared in men's toilets, then you know you've made it!

— Matt Berry

Bad writing is not easier than good writing. It's just as hard to make a toilet seat as it is a castle…

— Ben Hecht

Nobody should have to clean up what goes on around the base of most toilets.

— T Cooper

The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.

— David Letterman