Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Having my daughter, I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
