Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One gains at least two to three times more experience grabbing the tiger by the tail than reading about it in a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Life was a fairy-tale, then, it is a tragedy now. When I was 43 and John Hay 41 he said life was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them --… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It was in Warwick Castle that I came across the curious stranger whom I am going to talk about. He attracted me… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Write without pay until someone offers pay. If nobody offers within three years, the candidate may look upon this as a sign… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away)… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Thou shalt not commit adultry is a command which makes no distinction between the following persons. They are all required to obey… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must. Who is God,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
