Standup Comedy Quotes by Dov Davidoff

I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of.

— Dov Davidoff

Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.

— Dov Davidoff

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

— Dov Davidoff

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

— Dov Davidoff

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

— Dov Davidoff

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

— Dov Davidoff

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

— Dov Davidoff

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

— Dov Davidoff

Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.

— Dov Davidoff

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.

— Dov Davidoff

I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To…

— Dov Davidoff

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

— Dov Davidoff

It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.

— Dov Davidoff

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is…

— Dov Davidoff

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

— Dov Davidoff