The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
How do these celebrities stay so impossibly thin? Simple: They have full-time personal trainers, who advise them on nutrition, give them pep… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I guess nobody assumes anybody is a libertarian. It's a more complex political discussion than most people are used to, to explain… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Many people have trouble sticking to their resolutions, and there is a simple scientific explanation for this. In 1987, a team of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We're trying to make our current house look domestic so that somebody will want to buy it. We're making a lot of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Millions of Americans own dogs, because they are good-natured, simple, and easily amused. I am referring here to the Americans. The dogs… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Computers operate on simple principles that can be easily understood by anybody with some common sense, a little imagination, and an IQ… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
