“Parents of young children are always acting. You act excited to read a story for the five-hundredth time. You act impressed someone… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The amount of guilt you deal with as a parent is pretty profound. It's a constant balancing act. I'm an ambitious person,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings. Once the lights are out, you… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“There are two philosophies when it comes to getting young children to sleep. There is 'sleep training,' which basically involves putting your… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“No matter how hard you try to be a good parent, you always know deep down that you could do more. I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don’t… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“I loved my father. Most people did. He did try his best. He did provide for his family. He taught me many… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“TV news is like kryptonite to children. The two major shifts in taste for children to adulthood are news and mustard. Kids… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Ireland is a place that's beautiful and interesting, but I remember when I went there as a teenager with my parents, I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
