New year funny Quotes by Anonymous

I hope the world ends in 2012 so I can't be held accountable for my New Year's resolutions.

— Anonymous

I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person.

— Anonymous

My resolution is to spend less time working which means you'll have to work more.

— Anonymous

My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.

— Anonymous

Gaining 20 lbs over the holidays makes your New Year's resolution of losing 10 less impressive.

— Anonymous

It may be the antidepressants talking, but I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about 2014.

— Anonymous

My resolution is to spend more time avoiding friends and family.

— Anonymous

Lets attend an opulent New Year's Eve party so we can briefly ignore the horror of our impending poverty.

— Anonymous

The only thing I gained from 2012 was weight.

— Anonymous

Seeing the irresponsibly dangerous stunts in the Spider-Man musical has prepared me for your New Year's behavior.

— Anonymous

My excuses for already failing my New Year's resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.

— Anonymous

I hope one of your New Year's resolutions is to stop tagging me in New Year's photos.

— Anonymous

Let's kiss on New Year's Eve 2013 as if we might have a future together in 2014.

— Anonymous

Your annual booze-fueled New Year's Eve spectacle will surely inspire us all to drink less in 2014.

— Anonymous

I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn.

— Anonymous

Let's never speak of 2013 again.

— Anonymous

Sorry the movie New Year's Eve will still be more enjoyable than your actual New Year's Eve.

— Anonymous

Wishing you even a minuscule percentage of the wealth and attention that will be showered upon the Kardashian fetus in 2013.

— Anonymous

For my new year's resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.

— Anonymous

Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you…

— Anonymous

Let's put significant pressure on ourselves to have a fun New Year's Eve.

— Anonymous

Let's decide which champagne we're going to barf.

— Anonymous

Now that the holiday blues are over, let's resume our everyday melancholy.

— Anonymous

Let's resolve to repeat last year's mistakes.

— Anonymous

Let's not spend New Year's Eve trying to figure out where to spend New Year's Eve.

— Anonymous

Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.

— Anonymous

Here's to drinking enough that we'll need Ryan Seacrest to help us count backwards from ten.

— Anonymous

Thanks for inviting me to a New Year's party I'll have no recollection of attending.

— Anonymous

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

— Anonymous

My New Year's resolution is to never tell you what the person looks like who you kissed on New Year's.

— Anonymous

This New Years, I'm going to party like Maury just told me I'm not the father!

— Anonymous

Let's pencil each other in for a New Year's Eve kiss, with the understanding we'll drop each other if someone better comes…

— Anonymous

Sorry you're finally mature enough to just want a quiet evening with friends on New Year's Eve.

— Anonymous

I resolve to stop having meaningless sex in 2014, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP.

— Anonymous

My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.

— Anonymous

Here's to having a fresh start at binge eating, boozing, and slacking off.

— Anonymous

My resolution is to decipher the hidden meaning in your resolution.

— Anonymous

May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.

— Anonymous

This year let's resolve to make better bad decisions.

— Anonymous

Here's to ending the New Year still having a job that you still wish you didn't have.

— Anonymous