Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“In discarding the monkey and substituting man, our Father in Heaven did the monkey an undeserved injustice.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
How unfortunate and how narrowing a thing it is for a man to have wealth who makes a god of it instead… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We like to read about rich people in the newspapers; the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is at our mother's knee that we acquire our noblest and truest and highest ideals, but there is seldom any money… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Yes - en I's rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I's wuth eight hund'd dollars. I wisht… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Of course, there are many rich men in the empire, but their money is buried, and they dress in rags and counterfeit… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money off them. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth. - More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“There is no regular system of taxation, but when the Emperor or the Bashaw want money, they levy on some rich man,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute-but they all worship… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
No, I have no desire for riches. Honest poverty and a conscience, torpid through virtuous inaction, are more to me than corner… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Huck was always willing to take a hand in any enterprise that offered entertainment and required no capital, for he had a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“all told about in that book, which is mostly a true book, with some stretchers, as I said before. Now the way… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
