If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
