Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke. — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
Marriage is like a series of opposing reflections, inverse images getting ever smaller like nesting dolls, each one of your trying to squeeze yourself… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history. — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
Maybe that is the greatest of wonders: that we can be shaped so much by those we've known closely, and equally by those we've… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
There is a fundamental difference, however, between asking to be permitted to keep a vegetative relative on costly machinery, and asking the taxpayers or… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
Much as we do not permit convicted pedophiles to teach kindergarten or convicted hijackers to board airplanes, common sense dictates that individuals who have… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
Know your load. That's rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
“Battery Park resonates with lust as the sun approaches its zenith. A primal impulse takes hold of the young couples strolling the gravel walkways,… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
“I have vicarious morning sickness. Other people's babies make me nauseous.” — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
Maybe life involves the pairing of unsuitable people, those who wait and those who keep others waiting, and the key to happiness is finding… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
I am grateful that I have rights in the proverbial public square - but, as a practical matter, my most cherished rights are those… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
