Audience Quote by Jacob M. Appel

Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.

— Jacob M. Appel

Marriage is like a series of opposing reflections, inverse images getting ever smaller like nesting dolls, each one of your trying to squeeze yourself…

— Jacob M. Appel

Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history.

— Jacob M. Appel

Maybe that is the greatest of wonders: that we can be shaped so much by those we've known closely, and equally by those we've…

— Jacob M. Appel

There is a fundamental difference, however, between asking to be permitted to keep a vegetative relative on costly machinery, and asking the taxpayers or…

— Jacob M. Appel

Much as we do not permit convicted pedophiles to teach kindergarten or convicted hijackers to board airplanes, common sense dictates that individuals who have…

— Jacob M. Appel

Know your load. That's rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me…

— Jacob M. Appel

“Battery Park resonates with lust as the sun approaches its zenith. A primal impulse takes hold of the young couples strolling the gravel walkways,…

— Jacob M. Appel

“I have vicarious morning sickness. Other people's babies make me nauseous.”

— Jacob M. Appel

Maybe life involves the pairing of unsuitable people, those who wait and those who keep others waiting, and the key to happiness is finding…

— Jacob M. Appel

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

— Jacob M. Appel

I am grateful that I have rights in the proverbial public square - but, as a practical matter, my most cherished rights are those…

— Jacob M. Appel