President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I told John Kerry and General Allen, the Americans’ expert, ‘We live here, I live here, I know what we need to… — Benjamin Netanyahu Copy Share Image
Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
We got an international coalition [against Iran], and we imposed that. It was slow, patient diplomacy, nothing at all particularly headline-worthy. But… — Hillary Clinton Copy Share Image
But it was very hard for people to separate me out from Hillary Clinton. All their ads were Hillary Clinton, John Kerry,… — Brad Carson Copy Share Image
[Sen. John] Kerry is also a man who opposes the death penalty, wants to restrict access to guns and voted against the… — David S. Broder Copy Share Image
Have you noticed how the Republicans and Democrats try to copy each other at their conventions. Like at the Democratic convention John… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't think that John Kerry is the Messiah or the Democratic Party is the answer, but I don't like the evangelical… — Tony Campolo Copy Share Image
John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I'm interested in getting John Kerry elected President. And then I'm interested in doing whatever I can to see that Democrats retain… — Howard Dean Copy Share Image
“Washington's all abstraction. It's about access to power and nothing else. I mean, I'm sure it's fun if you're living next door… — Jonathan Franzen Copy Share Image
On a day when all Americans, regardless of party affiliation, are celebrating the growth of freedom and honoring the sacrifices of American… — Ken Mehlman Copy Share Image
“My family is a classic American-dream story. My great-grandparents fled Russia to avoid being murdered for their religion. Just two generations later,… — David Litt Copy Share Image
“Since at least the year 2000 and the election of George Bush, Americans have shown themselves to be increasingly enamored with the… — J. Jack Halberstam Copy Share Image
Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts. — Craig Kilborn Copy Share Image
You can't get much more liberal than John Kerry is. I mean, he's my candidate, but, I mean, come on. — Don Imus Copy Share Image
John Kerry was always in front of the camera but not out doing the hard work. — Mitt Romney Copy Share Image
John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Pictures can be devastating. Who allowed John Kerry to get himself photographed windsurfing in a flowered swimsuit? Anyone in the real world… — Jack Germond Copy Share Image
John Kerry gave the enemy for free what I and many of my comrades in North Vietnam in the prison camps took… — Paul Galanti Copy Share Image
President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry. — Craig Kilborn Copy Share Image
How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said,… — Craig Kilborn Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In 2004 I had the fortune - or the misfortune - of playing John Kerry. It was hard because I think the… — Seth Meyers Copy Share Image
I want to have a voice. I want to be able to vote for John Kerry. I found a whole new life… — Pierce Brosnan Copy Share Image
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry reportedly flew in his private hairdresser before his "Meet the Press" interview for a total cost of $1,000. That's $1,000… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Does John Kerry have to give them [Iran] every little thing? You'll pass some sanctions for human rights and missiles, and I'll… — Hillary Clinton Copy Share Image
John Kerry doesn't think in terms of black-and-white. He's all gray, and he looks at all sides of the issues. That makes… — Douglas Brinkley Copy Share Image
By 1973, John Kerry had already accused American soldiers of committing war crimes in Vietnam, thrown someone else's medals to the ground… — Ann Coulter Copy Share Image
The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth disputed whether John Kerry deserved some of his five medals. A large part of Kerry's defense… — James Taranto Copy Share Image
![“We got an international coalition [against Iran], and we imposed that. It was slow, patient diplomacy, nothing at all particularly headline-worthy. But then you got to the point where the negotiations - which I started and Secretary [John] Kerry completed - I think made the world safer.” quote by Hillary Clinton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/f73/hillary-clinton-51_coalitions_we-got-an-international-coalition-agains_2256763.jpg)
![“[Sen. John] Kerry is also a man who opposes the death penalty, wants to restrict access to guns and voted against the resolution approving the start of ground operations against Saddam Hussein in 1991 - just what you would expect from Ted Kennedy's partner and Michael Dukakis's running mate.” quote by David S. Broder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0f6/david-s-broder-61917_access_sen-john-kerry-is-also-a-man-who-opposes_3149154.jpg)
![“Does John Kerry have to give them [Iran] every little thing? You'll pass some sanctions for human rights and missiles, and I'll grudgingly sign on.” quote by Hillary Clinton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6df/hillary-clinton-51_doe_does-john-kerry-have-to-give-them-iran-e_2069380.jpg)
