I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You, too. You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey,… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
