“How many beers do y'all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, 'Dude, bet you twenty bucks… — Robyn Schneider Copy Share Image
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'd spent five minutes looking at Twitter once and felt I'd wandered into a poker game where everyone immediately displayed their hands… — Jeff Abbott Copy Share Image
Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves. — Robert Graves Copy Share Image
“There's something to be said about drinking a carafe of wine by yourself ... I just can't remember at the moment what… — Gerard de Marigny Copy Share Image
“He’s an even-tempered stallion. What he lacks in stamina he makes up for in speed, kind of like most of the men… — Lila Shaw Copy Share Image
“michelle would get picked up and bang someone anonymous stud in the bathroom, and i would sip my drink wishing i could… — Marata Eros Copy Share Image
“It's just going to add to him thinking that I am a crazy, wanky, greenie, hybriddriving hippie," I complained. "Has he seen… — Sean Kennedy Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“Jessamine blew out her cheeks in exasperation. "I think you ought to let me take poor Tessa into town to get some… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. 'I was trying to make up… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
“You have a visitor, my lord." I frowned, "What?" "That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco. I want you to know that my own hands, all of my life, I… — Al Gore Copy Share Image
The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Eventually I would like to touch all the genres. I would like to do some detective stories, and I want to do… — Sergio Aragones Copy Share Image
Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give… — Randy Glasbergen Copy Share Image
“Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in… — Nick Shamhart Copy Share Image
“Overflowing with the milk of human kindness, the family had invited everyone they could think of, including people they cordially disliked.” — Gerald Durrell Copy Share Image
“Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?” Adina scoffed. “Is she all, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see… — Libba Bray Copy Share Image
Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head.… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“If he's after sledge I'd say he's a bottom, and a very sore one if he succeeds , cos your bro looks… — Marita A. Hansen Copy Share Image
The beaver, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed,… — June Callwood Copy Share Image
The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“The night before a deadline, I usually am in desperate need of a back rub. And new wrists. And candy. And little… — Christy Hall Copy Share Image
“I mumble my vows, Shad mutters his, and I wonder what would happen if I lunged for the door like a wild… — Janet Mullany Copy Share Image
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Unless you're writing for a humorous effect, elves or space aliens and all creatures who aren't human should at least be as… — Will Shetterly Copy Share Image
