The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Scott had some sort of power, or force field. In essence, he was like fucking gay guy repellant. Not a single gay… — Jayson James Copy Share Image
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“Well,' said Mrs. Erdleigh, speaking kindly, as if to a child who has proposed a game inevitably associated with the breakage of… — Anthony Powell Copy Share Image
“Jim: By the way Artie. How are you going to escape? Artie: Oh, the usual way. Guile.. cunning...trickery. Wild Wild West Season… — Wild Wild West TV Copy Share Image
“The dweam of wuv wapped wiffin the gweater dweam of everwasting west. Eternity is our fwiend, wemember that, and wuv wiw fowwow… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Only in America, Rabbi Golden, do these peasants, our mothers, get their hair dyed platinum at the age of sixty, and walk… — Philip Roth Copy Share Image
“It's a hat," said Jess. Manx stretched. "Yes." "A hat with - just to be clear - a lizard on it. A… — Foz Meadows Copy Share Image
It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling… — Stephen Boss Copy Share Image
They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In horror stories or in fairy tales, the fascination with the morbid is also, at least for me, a way to prepare… — Cindy Sherman Copy Share Image
“Jane: "Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“Demane: "Gods could only carry away Homo celestialis with them, you see, because the angels had already learned to make their bodies… — Kai Ashante Wilson Copy Share Image
“...You agreed we would be fearless together. I’m gonna need you to keep your promise,” Haley said a little loudly. Falon’s office… — Robin Alexander Copy Share Image
I thought I was going to be known for my humor. But then I had an idea for a story, which was… — Jay Asher Copy Share Image
He had that rare weird electricity about him - that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
“Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them. ― Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What sort of funny songs?" "My balls are swearing my balls are swearing I can't keep my balls from sweating ohhh no."… — Anna carey Copy Share Image
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We need time to relax and enjoy ourselves too, no matter how dark the story. The occasional humorous moment helps with that.… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what… — Thomas Carlyle Copy Share Image
“Babcock silenced himself when he caught a gratifying sight on the broker’s shelf—his finance book, Moving Ones and Zeros Around like a… — Jasun Ether Copy Share Image
“As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Like every other good thing in this world, leisure and culture have to be paid for. Fortunately, however, it is not the… — Aldous Huxley Copy Share Image
“A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my… — Quentin R. Bufogle Copy Share Image
“White? That's good. virginal. He'll be reminded this is a first for you and hopefully won't just impale you on his pork… — Carmen Jenner Copy Share Image
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Poetry, I think, intensifies the reader's experience. If it's a humorous facet of the story, poetry makes it more exuberant. If it's… — Vikram Seth Copy Share Image
“This isn't sex." I blinked. "Oh. Then what is it?" "An emergency!" I started to argue and then thought twice about it.… — Karen Chance Copy Share Image
Long before the word Zionism was uttered for the first time, old religious Jews came from all over the world to die… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Holy hell," Shawn whispered, his eyes glued to Ziang's front. Particularly to what Ziang didn't have between his legs. "Dude, where's your… — M.A. Church Copy Share Image
I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum. — Hillary Clinton Copy Share Image
... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I've heard Eric Clapner, ... I think it was a wonderful thing that Eric Clapner the musician did...So I think that's the… — Joycelyn Elders Copy Share Image
“I decided right then and there to make a snickerdoodle perfume to wear, so that one day he would sniff me like… — Jessica Verday Copy Share Image
“Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak… — Peter Matthiessen Copy Share Image
We thought there was also something that was humorous but at the same time powerful and deep about naming the album, 'Modern… — Rostam Batmanglij Copy Share Image
