I issued a number of denials to people I thought needed to hear them — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about. — Don Mazankowski Copy Share Image
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
The manipulation of statistical formulas is no substitute for knowing what one is doing. — Hubert M. Blalock Copy Share Image
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. — Collis Potter Huntington Copy Share Image
“It would look pretty messed up to be a social worker and have dried kid blood as a permanent stain in your… — Holly Goldberg Sloan Copy Share Image
The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names', but the fact is that no matter what… — Frank Zappa Copy Share Image
Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
“Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“Death devours not only those who have been cooked by old age; it also feasts on those who are half-cooked and even… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“She would seize every opportunity to dive into the bathroom, in a swirl of white towels, and once in there she was… — Gerald Durrell Copy Share Image
“He was staring hard, not at his wife and me but at his daughter watching us. In his cold pupil, in the… — Italo Calvino Copy Share Image
“Your ma's dating?" Tim looks shocked. "I thought she pretty much confined herself to a vibrator and the shower nozzle since your… — Huntley Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
It's remarkable - most remarkable, the way these people manage, from time to time, a tragedy or a near-tragedy to break the… — Martha Ostenso Copy Share Image
It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling… — Stephen Boss Copy Share Image
In horror stories or in fairy tales, the fascination with the morbid is also, at least for me, a way to prepare… — Cindy Sherman Copy Share Image
They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Demane: "Gods could only carry away Homo celestialis with them, you see, because the angels had already learned to make their bodies… — Kai Ashante Wilson Copy Share Image
“Jane: "Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“And are you going to explain why you consider competing with me to be the most sincere form of compliment?” “Of course… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
“...You agreed we would be fearless together. I’m gonna need you to keep your promise,” Haley said a little loudly. Falon’s office… — Robin Alexander Copy Share Image
“Taggle was absorbed in the meat pie. ‘It’s covered in BREAD,’ he huffed. ‘What fool has covered MEAT with BREAD?” — Erin Bow Copy Share Image
Life is same for everyone. The difference is only that some are living by heart and some for only sake of living — Abhishek Shukla Copy Share Image
Finding the humorous side of life is like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. — Alberta Peedoodle Copy Share Image
“And his father has the gall to think I’d seduce a kid who uses Clearasil instead of aftershave!” — Elaine Raco Chase Copy Share Image
The most colossal display of wise, inspiring, and humorous metaphors ever exhibited in one place. — Richard Lederer Copy Share Image
“You know we've got it bad when a naked and gyrating Channing Tatum can't solve our problems.” — Jen Frederick Copy Share Image
Okay everybody, line up in alphabetical order according to your height. — Casey Stengel Copy Share Image
Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting. — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“What I know now is that gallant young men rarely get pussy. Put it on a sampler and hang it in your… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
I would like to be able to admire a man's opinions as I would his dog - without being expected to take… — Frank A. Clark Copy Share Image
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. — Les Aspin Copy Share Image
Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys. — Sam Smith Copy Share Image
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
