There's an incredible amount of pain involved in being a human, but this humorous stuff is essential in overcoming it. — John Grant Copy Share Image
“Muse usually gestured like an amphetamine-fueled Sicilian who's nearly gotten clipped by a speeding car.” — Harlan Coben Copy Share Image
“I'm trying to think but nothing happens. ~ Curlie. That feeling I get with writer's block!” — Curlie Q. Link Copy Share Image
An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . . — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is absolutely nothing humorous at the Masters. Here, small dogs do not bark and babies do not cry. — Gary Player Copy Share Image
“Nixon’s offences had been so long in the past, so much part of a different era that he now seemed like some… — Jacob M. Appel Copy Share Image
“You took your clothes off?" "You didn't notice?" "No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you." "If you look under the covers,… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
“Not everyone who talks less or keeps quiet whenever they are with or around you does that because they find you interesting… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well.… — Ron Glass Copy Share Image
Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit… — John Denver Copy Share Image
As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco. I want you to know that my own hands, all of my life, I… — Al Gore Copy Share Image
“It's a hat," said Jess. Manx stretched. "Yes." "A hat with - just to be clear - a lizard on it. A… — Foz Meadows Copy Share Image
“You have a visitor, my lord." I frowned, "What?" "That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
“Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. 'I was trying to make up… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Aw, come on, admit it—you feel like Cinderella, don’t you?” “No, Darren, I don’t. And do you know why?” “No, sugar, you… — L.A. Gilbert Copy Share Image
[Answering the phone] Hello, this is a recording, you've dialed the right number, now hang up and don't do it again. — Frank Sinatra Copy Share Image
“I’ve had a lot of food but if you don’t jiggle me too much you can have your wicked way with me.” — Samantha Young Copy Share Image
Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico! — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
My penis is an awkward leprechaun that had not gotten lucky nearly as much as it had gotten bored. — Andrea Gibson Copy Share Image
There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen. — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
My mentor said, 'Let's go do it', not 'You go do it'. How powerful when someone says, 'Let's!' — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
“Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Retain a calm heart, sit like a turtle, walk swiftly like a pigeon, and sleep like a dog — Li Ching-Yuen Copy Share Image
“What better time to be kind to a beautiful stranger than when she’s weak, and rocking a schnoz like the Godfather?” — Leslea Tash Copy Share Image
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents) — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ... — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
“In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
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