I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I begin to see that a man’s got to be in his own Heaven to be happy.” “Perfectly correct,” says he. “Did… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening,love like you've ever been hurt,dance like nobody's watching.And live like it's heaven on earth — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is plain that there is one moral law for heaven and another for the earth. The pulpit assures us that wherever… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Oh, there spoke the human! He is always pretending that the eternal bliss of heaven is such a priceless boon! Yes, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Heaven… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Heaven knows insanity was disreputable enough, long ago; but now that the lawyers have got to cutting every gallows rope and picking… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“He is in heaven now, and happy; or if not there, he bides in hell and is content; for in that place… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that! — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We may not doubt that society in heaven consists mainly of undesirable persons. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
