It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Usain Bolt won the gold for the men's 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member. — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Let's say I'm not feeling well, and somebody would say to me, 'Just do an easy show, just go out and do… — Gene Pitney Copy Share Image
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem! — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Who says that Delhi Police is notdoing its job honestly. What proof is needed for the honesty and dedication with which DelhiPolice… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
“Valérie: "You know, you don't need to be a lesbian to be a feminist. Nor do you need short hair to be… — Clémentine Beauvais Copy Share Image
“I angle my head down and peer up at him through my lashes in what I hope is an alluring manner. I… — Rachel Morgan Copy Share Image
The question to ask is not whether you are a success or a failure, but whether you are a learner or a… — Benjamin Barber Copy Share Image
I was always fat and not very athletic. Finally in my junior year I went on a diet. I got down from… — Divine Copy Share Image
“The fact that you and I are acquaintances only interested and amused the ghosts further. Gossip bunch, really.” — August Westman Copy Share Image
What's funny is my mom took me to the theater for the first time when I was six years old, and I… — Dana Davis Copy Share Image
“Dee loves it here. Before you came, she spent most of her days here." To Daemon, my arrival was the beginning of… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“I ain't never seen a creature like that before, she says. He's so smart, he's- More, like a person than a bird?… — Moira Young Copy Share Image
Unfortunately, my system for tracking down funny female writers isn't methodical. It's mainly based on word-of-mouth, which can cast a limited net. — Nell Scovell Copy Share Image
“I’ll always be your friend,” he said. “Your best friend, if you let me. But I want to be your lover, too.”… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
“His life was a constant war with insensate objects that fell apart, or attacked him, or refused to function, or viciously got… — Vladimir Nabokov Copy Share Image
I think the longer a sitcom is on the air, by necessity, the dumber the characters have to get: otherwise, they would… — Scott Adsit Copy Share Image
Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I don't know if I'm particularly funny, I mean one of my legs is shorter than the other one, it makes everything… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My parents are in the business - they're actors - so I kind of grew up on a film set, which was… — Charlie McDowell Copy Share Image
I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
Girls are really dressing up like sluts these days. This one young girl just got up from her seat & I totally… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment in a movie where you think the charachter is talking to someone e.g. there lover but it ends up… — Owais Copy Share Image
Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: "I really didn't say everything I… — Yogi Berra Copy Share Image
“Very helpful, I must say. Look at them in the eye and shout, and they understand every word..." (Mr. Warbeck in Sienna,… — Hilary McKay Copy Share Image
Females: I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f*cked up! Girl walks past. She lucky she ain't look… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
My way of looking at the world is that if it is true, it is funny and it is dark. No matter… — Maria Semple Copy Share Image
As a writer, or as a filmmaker, you have to present yourself, and part of what yourself is is what you're interested… — Charlie Kaufman Copy Share Image
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
FACT of GOOGLE: 50% of the people use it well..as a search engine… The other 50% of the people use it to… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
“The reason why a man cannot stop staring at a woman ass is only because God has spent 80 percent of his… — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Opportunity tends to knock once, then it's gone...temptation, however, likes to stand there and lean on the damn doorbell! — Sarah Moores Copy Share Image
I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps… — Elmore Leonard Copy Share Image
'Shut the fudge up. You little asstronaut. What the helicopters are you doing? You son of a batch of cookies!' That's how… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Penumbra [...] produces another e-reader - it's a Nook. Then another one, a Sony. Another one, marked KOBO. Really? Who has a Kobo?” — Robin Sloan Copy Share Image
![“Penumbra [...] produces another e-reader - it's a Nook. Then another one, a Sony. Another one, marked KOBO. Really? Who has a Kobo?” quote by Robin Sloan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ec/robin-sloan-1513_e-readers_penumbra-produces-another-e-reader-it-s_3037855.png)
