Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The moment yo're laughing so hard and you try and stop, but you look at the person again and laugh. :3 — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All things I thought I knew; but now confess The more I know, I know, I know the less. — John Owen Copy Share Image
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I adore you even more than the people of North Korea are forced to adore Kim Jong-un. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Graduation is when your summers of unpaid internships finally earn you a full-time unpaid internship. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Be yourself. Unless you have the option to be Batman, then always be Batman. — Mike Dirnt Copy Share Image
I feel like a lot of Indian fans don't know about my Indian background, so it's funny online that a lot of… — Mustafa Ali Copy Share Image
If you lose 50%, it takes 100% to get back to where you started-and that takes something you can never get back: time. — Tony Robbins Copy Share Image
Part of my job as a presidential speechwriter (along with great writers like Jon Favreau and David Axelrod) was finding that sliver… — Jon Lovett Copy Share Image
I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The really funny thing is that most all of my friends who are priests have seen me perform, and they say, 'I… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
It's funny, the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast, loose and improvised, and get somebody to… — Abel Ferrara Copy Share Image
The infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad... Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected. Iraqis are heroes. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as… — Steve Carell Copy Share Image
“I can eat you at breakfast, not because I am a monster; it is only because you are too cute and yummy.” — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
Wow! We beat him! I mean, yeah technically he fell off a cliff but, we still won. — Po - The Dragon Warrior Copy Share Image
That clergyman soon becomes an object of contempt who being often asked out to dinner never refuses to go. — St. Jerome Copy Share Image
The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
God made every person different.He got tired by the time he came to China. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?' — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
Drink often drives a man to misfortune and misfortune often drives a man to drink. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I make a mistake - I'm an idiot. When my boss makes a mistake... You know, he's only human! — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for my excitement to hate someone new I wouldn't leave my bed in the morning. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Honeymoon is a trial period in which no complaints will be accepted. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
John Ford was so funny that I couldn't wait to go to work in the morning. — Richard Widmark Copy Share Image
There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Accept that some days you’re the bug, and some days you’re going to be the windshield. — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy.” — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
The more false we destroy, the more room there will be for the true. — Robert Green Ingersoll Copy Share Image
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them. — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
Girls worry about the things Guys forget... Guys always worry about the things Girls remember — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Out of all the airports that are out there only about 5 percent have commercial service. — Chris Brown Copy Share Image
