That’s why you call it a budget. You set it and you don’t budge. — Jennifer Morrison Copy Share Image
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What Is The Relation Ship Is Between Cafes And Bars? Simple Most Of The Love Stories Start At Cafes And End At… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories. — Steve Allen Copy Share Image
I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day. — John Bishop Copy Share Image
I'm not going to bag on people and make funny jokes about my opponent. I just respect every opponent I go in… — Joseph Benavidez Copy Share Image
Anything that gets you to release the stress in your life and really laugh is worthwhile. It can heal the planet. It… — Lucie Arnaz Copy Share Image
A very drunk man comes out of the bar And sees another very drunk man, He looks up in the sky and… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
In the 1998 Oscars, I found myself in the bathroom in a stall, next to Tom Selleck. So I leaned over and… — Tom Hanks Copy Share Image
What does a woman and a kfc meal have in common???? once ur done with the breast legs and thighs u still… — Angel Copy Share Image
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
A little boy asks a driver: - Could you give me a ride, please? Im late for school. - But Im heading… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. Wow!, said her… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
Teacher: How to kill a mosquito? Student: Catch it alive, Tie its legs then make gudgudi in its stomach and when it… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
“Some of us lived different lives, during a different time, in a different universe. We did it on this planet, though. You… — José N. Harris Copy Share Image
I’ve spent too many years explaining who and what I am repeatedly, so as of this moment I officially secede from both… — Drew Hayden Taylor Copy Share Image
The only time I've ever been mistaken for someone else is - and this arguable still - when a person came up… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
“They can go about collecting every material thing of worldly value, but they’re missing everything that truly counts. When you’ve got nothing… — Megan Thomason Copy Share Image
All my cuts are always about three hours, at the start, mainly because any scene in the movie that's 90 seconds, I… — Judd Apatow Copy Share Image
Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I… — Thom Yorke Copy Share Image
I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do… — David Rees Copy Share Image
I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I think my sense of humor is really dark and super twisted and stuff like that. It's like, "Is this a funny… — Kanye West Copy Share Image
The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
Man bought a Shampoo bottle and asked the sales man for free gift Salesman: There is no gift for this Man: Dont… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I'm taking to my sister and she said 'I'm missing you, Sis and your funny jokes' aww I miss her so much… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What is beautiful funny Jokes, After Login, I Chose Quote Icon But Seems Error Like Page Not Found , but other User… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
