Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish. — Benny Hill Copy Share Image
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is… — Lenora Mattingly Weber Copy Share Image
The earth has grown old with its burden of care, But at Christmas it always is young.... — Phillips Brooks Copy Share Image
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish. — Benny Hill Copy Share Image
A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child,… — Oren Arnold Copy Share Image
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for… — Shirley Temple Copy Share Image
Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write May your days be merry and bright And may all… — Irving Berlin Copy Share Image
May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong Il. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Crush, don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on Christmas Eve. Sincerely, You Were… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Adele might set fire to rain... but SpongeBob can make a campfire under water!!!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
