Benny Hill

A man who fails is funny... if my sketches teach anything, it is that, for the male, sex is a snare and…

— Benny Hill

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her…

— Benny Hill

I changed it to Leslie Hill, only that seemed more like a cocktail pianist. Eventually, being an admirer of Jack Benny, I…

— Benny Hill

I don't covet images or belongings. My television set and video are rented, any paintings aren't worth a fortune, and money is…

— Benny Hill

I used to watch all these great fat women in the audience laughing at the comic, and I would think how wonderful…

— Benny Hill

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?

— Benny Hill

I'm single. I don't have a family. I certainly don't have to work. I don't want to be the richest man in…

— Benny Hill

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

— Benny Hill

What we've discovered is that Americans seem to love our saucy humor.

— Benny Hill

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times…

— Benny Hill

I don't do something I won't enjoy just for the money. I do it for the fun, for the joy of working.

— Benny Hill

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

— Benny Hill

Do unto others, then run

— Benny Hill

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

— Benny Hill

Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish.

— Benny Hill

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

— Benny Hill

Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish.

— Benny Hill

I sometimes use a girl singer the way Henny Youngman uses his violin - as a bridge between one laugh and the…

— Benny Hill

Just because nobody complains doesnt mean all parachutes are perfect.

— Benny Hill

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.

— Benny Hill

The mistake British comedians often make is trying to beat the Americans at their own game - getting visiting American singers on…

— Benny Hill

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

— Benny Hill

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

— Benny Hill

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?

— Benny Hill

I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.

— Benny Hill