Facebook status Quotes · Page 68

Everyone on Facebook is faithful? That's what thier statuses say.

— Livefree2dream44

It really shows you how desperate people are on facebook. I'll see a girls pic and hit the like button if I…

— Kevin McCarty

Admit it, at least once in your life you shoved a ball up your shirt and pretended you were pregnant.

— Anonymous

Let's all pretend we're shocked that a professional football player committed sociopathic violence.

— Anonymous

People that always write statuses and comment their happy their single, aren't.

— Livefree2dream44

I find it weird to see .99cent burgers and $4.99 for a salad, and they say why is America an obese country???…

— Osvaldo M

If a key opens many locks, it's a master key. If a lock is opened by many keys, it's a shitty lock.

— Anonymous

If you quit Facebook, don't be pissed when I forget your birthday.

— Danish

I rather tell the truth and have people hate me than tell lies and have people love me. -Just Saying

— Ephrem Hardin

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

— Anonymous

People get so weird when you put your fingers in their nose.

— Nikhil Saluja

Driving to work playing the 'Let's see how long I can drive with my gas light on.' game.

— Anonymous

The most awkward place to run into a homeless person is on your way to a Coinstar.

— Anonymous

I bet the NSA stopped monitoring your phone records after seeing they were all drunk dials to exes at 4 a.m.

— Anonymous

Welcome to Facebook! Where liars tell more lies, enemies are Facebook friends, weak people turn into Facebook gangsters, haters complain about haters…

— Anonymous

My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

— Aicel

Barbie wants to be me.

— Emalie Newhall

Dear Beyonce, Thanks for showing everyone it is still possible to date, get married, THEN have babies. Sincerely, all the single ladies.

— Anonymous

Watching the Olympics reminds me of how much talent I don't have.

— Anonymous

I just wanna say one thing.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait..It's the flying f*ck I will never give.

— Anonymous

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

— Nikhil Saluja

How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

— Anonymous

I never knew you could offend someone by masturbating. This couple just opened their closet and they look really pissed.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook doesn't ruin relationships, getting caught in your lies does.

— Anonymous