Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen's round metal hat. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Right or wrong, it's very pleasant to break something from time to time. — Fyodor Dostoevsky Copy Share Image
Any area of my life for which I have no hope is under the influence of a lie. — Bill Johnson Copy Share Image
When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth. — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
You don't get character because you're successful; you build character because of the hardships you face. — Herman Edwards Copy Share Image
One thing about my Aunt Nadie: She was gruff on the outside, but if you ever needed something, like a spanking or… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
You know, like, real paying attention and real observation and deep thought and deep consideration can be a bit, you know, miserable-making. — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
One should express his viewpoint regarding what he performed in his country and in a vast part of the world with great… — Ruhollah Khomeini Copy Share Image
If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
In a pond koi can reach lengths of eighteen inches. Amazingly, when placed in a lake, koi can grow to three feet… — Vince Poscente Copy Share Image
I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
“For seven and a half million years, Deep Thought computed and calculated, and in the end announced that the answer was in… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns-regular sun and "rogue" sun. That way, when somebody asked me what… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Martha cook up about a hundred drumsticks, the the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If someone told me it wasn't "fashionable" to talk about freedom, I think I'd just have to look him square in the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
“I'm full of shit. I’m never myself. I've got a Southern accent around the oldsters; I’m a nerd for graphs and deep… — John green Copy Share Image
“O Deep Thought computer," he said, "the task we have designed you to perform is this. We want you to tell us…"… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
Million times better than me that day laborers are the back-breaking work and sleep at night exhausted and asleep onthe sidewalk is,… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I never could do anything with figures, never had any talent for mathematics, never accomplished anything in my efforts at that rugged… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Of course, reading novels was just another form of escape. As soon as he closed their pages he had to come back… — Haruki Murakami Copy Share Image
“Going home in the trolley, Francie held the shoebox in her lap because Mama had no lap now. Francie thought deep thoughts… — Betty Smith Copy Share Image
The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
We believe we are hurt when we don't receive love. But that is not what hurts us. Our pain comes when we… — Alan Cohen Copy Share Image
