When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Every time you quit, someone else gets your prize. Every time you make a mistake, you get closer to yours. — Robert Kiyosaki Copy Share Image
If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second,… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Just as there is no such thing as a collective or racial mind, so there is no such thing as a collective… — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
Drop the question of what tomorrow may bring, and count as profit every day that Fate allows you. — Horace Copy Share Image
“A five-week sand blizzard?" said Deep Thought haughtily. "You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
All these stuff she's done before - the rosary, the deep thoughts, the faux British accent. It's the same thing over and… — Andrea Tantaros Copy Share Image
Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the program! — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable-until I realized it wasn't a… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity. — Bruce Lee Copy Share Image
Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself. — Josiah Royce Copy Share Image
If everyone could see the image of God in his neighbor, do you think we should still need tanks and generals? — Mother Teresa Copy Share Image
I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
When you come right down to it, the secret to having it all is loving it all. — Joyce Brothers Copy Share Image
There needs to be understanding that anger never helps to solve a problem. It destroys our peace of mind and blinds our… — Dalai Lama Copy Share Image
I think it's high time we started questioning the old cliches like "Grunt big for Daddy." — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
To think deeply in our culture is to grow angry and to anger others; and if you cannot tolerate this anger, you… — Jules Henry Copy Share Image
I think they should continue the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
