How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The violence of the Left is symbolic, the injuries are not intended. The violence of the Right is real - directed at… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 'Cause… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
