But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“A man’s beliefs about the effects of the substance will largely be borne out. If he believes that alcohol can make him… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Addiction does not cause partner abuse, and recovery from addiction does not “cure” partner abuse.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually.… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“I have sometimes said to a client: “If you are so in touch with your feelings from your abusive childhood, then you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
