Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt! — W. C. Fields Betting Copy Share Image
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years. — W. C. Fields Drunk Copy Share Image
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar. — W. C. Fields Alcohol Copy Share Image
Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go… — W. C. Fields Food Copy Share Image
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze… — W. C. Fields California Copy Share Image
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh. — W. C. Fields Business Copy Share Image
So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine… — W. C. Fields Death Copy Share Image
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained. — W. C. Fields Agnostic Copy Share Image
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. — W. C. Fields Whiskey Copy Share Image
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man!… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a… — W. C. Fields Ambassadors Copy Share Image
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And… — W. C. Fields Believe in santa Copy Share Image
I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one… — W. C. Fields Body Copy Share Image
The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have… — W. C. Fields Comedy Copy Share Image
The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be… — W. C. Fields Advantage Copy Share Image
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew. — W. C. Fields Comedy Copy Share Image
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. — W. C. Fields Beautiful Copy Share Image
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. — W. C. Fields Bars drinking Copy Share Image
