In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look… — Erma Bombeck Age Copy Share Image
. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style. — Erma Bombeck Frightening Copy Share Image
VThere is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. — Erma Bombeck Paradise Copy Share Image
Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a… — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the… — Erma Bombeck America Copy Share Image
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours… — Erma Bombeck After hours Copy Share Image
In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I… — Erma Bombeck Dark Copy Share Image
Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight… — Erma Bombeck Adults Copy Share Image
not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals. — Erma Bombeck Animal Copy Share Image
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to… — Erma Bombeck Climbing Copy Share Image
My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated. — Erma Bombeck Estates Copy Share Image
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best. — Erma Bombeck Child Copy Share Image
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises. — Erma Bombeck Comedy Copy Share Image
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times… — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. — Erma Bombeck Aging Copy Share Image
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates. — Erma Bombeck American family Copy Share Image
The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged… — Erma Bombeck Best friend Copy Share Image
I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service. — Erma Bombeck Beautiful Copy Share Image
My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. — Erma Bombeck Funny christmas Copy Share Image
What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself? — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the… — Erma Bombeck Beaches Copy Share Image
Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
