When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“I’ve always admired parents who discipline their children in hushed whispers: “Arthur, you are a naughty boy for turning on all the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“When God Created Mothers" When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?' — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
