My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?' — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“I’ve always admired parents who discipline their children in hushed whispers: “Arthur, you are a naughty boy for turning on all the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
