Parenting Quotes by Erma Bombeck

The term 'working mother' is redundant.

— Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

— Erma Bombeck

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

— Erma Bombeck

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do…

— Erma Bombeck

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's…

— Erma Bombeck

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

— Erma Bombeck

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

— Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times…

— Erma Bombeck

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.

— Erma Bombeck

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a…

— Erma Bombeck

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to…

— Erma Bombeck

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do…

— Erma Bombeck

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a…

— Erma Bombeck

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from…

— Erma Bombeck

My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving…

— Erma Bombeck

I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going…

— Erma Bombeck

Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the…

— Erma Bombeck

It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of…

— Erma Bombeck

I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing… Thinking back on it all, it must have been the…

— Erma Bombeck

Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough…

— Erma Bombeck

I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that…

— Erma Bombeck

It is upsetting to many parents that their teen-agers introduce them to their friends as encyclopedia salesmen who are just passing through…

— Erma Bombeck

Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose,…

— Erma Bombeck

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the…

— Erma Bombeck

“Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money…

— Erma Bombeck

“When God Created Mothers" When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel…

— Erma Bombeck

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

— Erma Bombeck

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

— Erma Bombeck

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in…

— Erma Bombeck

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

— Erma Bombeck

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

— Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer…

— Erma Bombeck

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking…

— Erma Bombeck

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

— Erma Bombeck

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

— Erma Bombeck

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking,…

— Erma Bombeck

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except…

— Erma Bombeck

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed…

— Erma Bombeck

My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're…

— Erma Bombeck

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of…

— Erma Bombeck