My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere” — Erma Bombeck Fear Copy Share Image
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of… — Erma Bombeck Adults Copy Share Image
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider… — Erma Bombeck Clubs Copy Share Image
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and… — Erma Bombeck Age Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Baby Copy Share Image
I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire,… — Erma Bombeck Book Copy Share Image
Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one… — Erma Bombeck Dieting Copy Share Image
“I’ve always admired parents who discipline their children in hushed whispers: “Arthur, you are a naughty boy for turning on all the… — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Baby Copy Share Image
It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the… — Erma Bombeck Courage Copy Share Image
Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna. — Erma Bombeck Differences Copy Share Image
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. — Erma Bombeck Baby Copy Share Image
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to… — Erma Bombeck Age Copy Share Image
It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer… — Erma Bombeck Advice Copy Share Image
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises. — Erma Bombeck Comedy Copy Share Image
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. — Erma Bombeck Comedy Copy Share Image
Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?' — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. — Erma Bombeck Automobile Copy Share Image
the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.” — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility. — Erma Bombeck Adolescence Copy Share Image
I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. — Erma Bombeck Compassion Copy Share Image
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M.… — Erma Bombeck Body Copy Share Image
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners. — Erma Bombeck Communication Copy Share Image
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
