I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
