If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share
