Sarcastic Quotes · Page 25

I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I'm going to post a status update about it & then use…

— Hussein Nishah

People always tell me that everything I say sounds sarcastic, even when I'm trying to have a serious conversation.

— Richard Bacon

Sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.

— Anonymous

Say That Again, Bitch, And I'll Make Sure Your Next Period Comes Out Your Mouth

— Toni Watson

I wasn't aware that answering my mom's question was considered talking back.

— Anonymous

Anyone can do well when things go smoothly. It's when the sh*t hits the fan that you see what people are made…

— Sarah Moores

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.

— Mark Twain

Somehow I found him. Somehow I found Al's sarcastic thoughts, bitter and old. Tired, angry, bored. Alone.

— Kim Harrison

When someone is being sarcastic to you then you should reply in full of sarcasm. period.

— Anonymous

Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side

— Thomas Sowell

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

— Anonymous

In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.

— Lea Thompson

An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to.

— Gene Fowler

Cashier: Are you buying these? Me: No, I'm going to steal them, I just wanted to show you first.

— Anonymous

Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.

— Charles Kettering

I dont really forgive people I just pretend like it's ok and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.

— Jewelizeemint Deelouviou

Do not be conformed to the answer you just being sarcastic. But nothing I can do because thereby you think of me…

— Meicee29

Fighting online is so stupid. I mean...What are you gonna do? Busta CAPS LOCK on my ass?

— Stephanie

If you're the only one who knows you're being sarcastic, it's not sarcasm, it's masturbation.

— Anonymous

His face is livid, gaunt his whole body, his breath is green with gall; his tongue drips poison.

— John Quincy Adams

Another day at work...I'm having as much fun as a colorblind person playing twister.

— Anonymous

Do game creators really think the kids read the DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME warning ?

— Zay Cee

Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads.

— Lee Westwood

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

— John Cleese

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

— Sigmund Freud

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

— George Ade

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

— David Letterman

Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally.

— Megan Fox

I wish I had Kim Kardashians talent of not having any talent and making money out of it.

— Anonymous

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.

— Mae West

“He's being sarcastic. I hate when people are sarcastic. It's so cheap.”

— Jenny Han

“You’re sarcastic twelve hours a day, but you’re almost never spiteful. You have a good heart under all the glitter.”

— Cassandra Clare

I try not to be one particular type of comedian - I try to be foolish, and silly, and surreal, and quite…

— Sean Lock

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.

— Ambrose Bierce

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use?…

— George Carlin

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

— Irvin S. Cobb

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

— Josh Billings

I'm good at being sarcastic with guys. They don't want the quiet, prissy little things.

— Jessica Alba

The last thing I want my robot to be is sarcastic. I want them to be pragmatic and reliable - just like…

— Sebastian Thrun

My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is…

— Tim Heidecker