Sarcastic Quotes · Page 26

They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit.

— Anonymous

It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.

— Laurence J. Peter

She realized that this scarred, sarcastic boy, was gentle with the things he loved.

— Cassandra Clare

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to…

— Anonymous

“Never mumble some sarcastic shit to somebody who can obviously fuck you up.”

— Ice-T

Some people need to have eggs thrown at them.Brick shaped eggs..made of brick.

— Anonymous

The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.

— John Green

You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.

— Mike Birbiglia

If you miss 100% of the shots you don't take and 100% of the shots you do take, then you are at least consistent.

— Anonymous

I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

— Anonymous

What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

— Anonymous

“Educational system in America is not as good as in China. You may be an idiot. It is hard to tell with…

— Kate Danley

Walmart usually uses 4 checkouts, unless it's really busy then they use 1.

— Anonymous

Ill be a millionaire once Im done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet!

— Humaira

Congratulations on your job at the bank! Yes. You work for the bank. After taxes, your largest expense is your mortgage and…

— Robert Kiyosaki

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to…

— George Carlin

Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back...So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.

— Anonymous

I must have missed school the day we learned about Abraham Lincoln being a vampire slayer...

— Anonymous

You're lesbian? You're not attracted to men...but you're dating girls that looks like men. That makes complete sense!

— Anonymous

Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid.

— Anonymous

He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.

— Charles Kingsley

I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction.

— Mae West

If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder�it would be an apocalypse!

— Anonymous

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

— Mark Twain

The freedom of any society varies proportionately with the volume of its laughter.

— Zero Mostel

I get uncomfortable when pretty people say I'm pretty because I feel like they're being sarcastic...

— Anonymous

“[It may seem like we're always eating, but that's because we're always eating.]”

— Laura Steven

Marriage is meant to be more about your surrender than about your satisfaction.

— Scott Means

Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood.

— Cal Thomas

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.

— Lorrie Moore

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother?s.

— Andrei Codrescu

Have a nice life ahh who am I kidding, I hope you get hit by a moving truck.

— Anonymous

Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos.

— Tony Kornheiser

Silly duck bitches, why don't you try sticking your boobs out instead of your lips...at least your boobs don't look as stupid…

— Nicole Hill

The same passions in man and woman nonetheless differ in tempo; hence man and woman do not cease misunderstanding one another.

— Friedrich Nietzsche

Sarcasm: Because screaming at you about how dumb you are and taking a brick and smacking you across the face with it,…

— Anonymous

Don't call me at 3am and ask me if I'm sleepin .. No I'm skydiving.. the fuck you think I'm doing?

— Jerett Parker

What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?

— Anonymous

I'm not saying my ex-girlfriend is a slut I am just saying if everyone's cock had wings she'd be a airport.

— Anonymous

As I said, this was my sarcastic summer. It was only long after that I recognized sarcasm as the protest of people…

— John Knowles