Sarcastic Quotes · Page 24

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target

— Ashleigh Brilliant

“He’s a doctor,” Timur says. “Ah? It must be shocking for you, then. This hospital.”

— Khaled Hosseini

I'm sarcastic, skeptical, and sometimes callous because I'm still afraid, deep down, of letting myself be hurt.

— Sylvia Plath

I'm muti-talented. Why? Cuz' I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

— Michiiko

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

— Allan Sloan

In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians…

— Mark Twain

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.

— Anonymous

I write all the time. Some of them are very personalized things. Some of them are sarcastic looks at life.

— Bill Ward

People often think I'm a faker, but I'm usually honest, in a certain way--in such a way that often nobody believes me!

— Richard P. Feynman

Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy.

— Bryant H. McGill

“If walls could talk - scratch that, if walls could make sarcastic comments... well, things would be interesting.”

— Meghan Apriceno

I don't want to be with someone boring because I'm always laughing. I like to play jokes on people and be sarcastic.

— Ashley Benson

Now then, you dogs, whom the apostle puts outside and who yelp at the God of truth, let us come to your…

— Tertullian

Men never do anything right. And if they do something right, they'll never do it again.

— Anonymous

Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

— George Bernard Shaw

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

— Mark Twain

They say REVENGE is a dish best served cold. They also say REVENGE is sweet. This means, basically REVENGE is ICE-CREAM.

— Anonymous

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

— Ambrose Bierce

The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

— Oscar Wilde

A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to…

— James Boswell

He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time.

— Eugene Field

I'm a few minutes late to class? Please, stare at me like I just killed five people.

— Anonymous

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.

— John Ehrlichman

She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts.

— Raymond Chandler

My gurlfriend said; If you loved me you wouldn't drink so much, I said; If I didn't drink so much I probably…

— Hemant Smarty

My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not.

— Anonymous

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

— George Carlin

I remember there was this thing I used to do at night. I think it was called "sleep."

— Anonymous

“No, and I don't like mornin' people... or mornin's... or people." "Wow, I'm a lucky guy to have you, baby." Sarcastic pig!”

— L.A. Casey

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

— Oscar Wilde

Feisty,stubborn,sarcastic,humorous,very very blunt... Are these my good points or bad??? Who knows? Who cares? I am still gonna be me!

— Dora Providence

I've noticed the people most uptight about smokers and drinkers don't really have a problem with gluttony and gossip.

— Tim Hawkins

“I would think you’d be grateful, puppy. Kill some rabids, burn down a church—I don’t see a downside here, do you?”

— Julie Kagawa

I'm the walkingest girl around. I like to work at it - really get my heart pounding.

— Amy Yasbeck

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid…

— Mae West

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

— John Cleese

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

— P. J. O'Rourke

You know, you have to be an optimist, a pessimist, sarcastic and pleasant all at the same time to be a photographer.

— Rondal Partridge

The lyrics were my sarcastic way of realizing you can't be the king of the hill all the time.

— Hayley Williams

Don't you hate it when you're doing push-ups and you lose count after 1,000...

— Anonymous