Sarcastic Quotes · Page 27

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

— Joe Orton

“All right. The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.”

— John Green

Why do porn sites have a 'Share to Facebook' button? Who watches porn and thinks, 'You know who'd really enjoy this? My…

— Anonymous

If I'm a sarcastic asshole around you it's either because I'm comfortable teasing you or I hate you... good luck figuring out…

— Nikhil Saluja

Admit it, you have sarcastic conversations with yourself when people are ignoring you..

— Green Monk

I'm totally an East Coast person, energetic and sarcastic. I'm not a nice L.A. person.

— Diane Warren

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set…

— Kin Hubbard

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk…

— Anonymous

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

— Lewis Thomas

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to…

— Rowan Atkinson

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.

— Hemant Smarty

You do realize that I'm a sarcastic being and half of my texts aren't really what they seem, right? Oh, no? Sweet.

— Taissa Farmiga

The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998…

— Stephen Colbert

Everybody says sh*t happens, but don't you hate it when there is no toilet paper!!!

— Ash Sweeney

“Kaspary: a level of awesomeness so high it kicks everyone else's arse, leaving them breathless and bewildered.”

— Abigail Gibbs

When people ask stupid questions, I feel obligated to give sarcastic answers.

— Aldyna Threesya

It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.

— Barack Obama

“We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.”

— Sandra Chami Kassis

If a red head guy works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

— Anonymous

CALVIN: Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.

— Bill Watterson

I'm really sarcastic. Not Morgan Webb sarcastic. She's dry, 100%. I'm different from her.

— Olivia Munn

EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

— Ambrose Bierce

I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and…

— Millie Bobby Brown

People are so quick to find faults in others but refuse to find and face their own.

— Sarah Moores

“And he raised his glass to her. It could have been a compliment. Or the most sarcastic gesture anyone had ever made…

— Lisa Kleypas

Im so indie, she thinks to herself as she puts the lyrics to Skinny Love as her Facebook status.

— Anonymous

I've loved being the sarcastic chick, but I didn't want to be her forever.

— Lizzy Caplan

German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

— Willie Rushton

When life gives you lemons make grape juice then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it

— Anonymous

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come…

— Groucho Marx

I don't need Anger management, I manage my anger how I see fit at any given moment.

— Abhishek Tiwari

I don't care if I cant sing. This is my favorite song. Therefore I will sing.

— Rakii Retondo

If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!

— Mae West

I had the best day ever, I ran into my ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend…With my car.

— Anonymous

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

— Mark Twain

You think your life is hard? Just think, there's a turtle out there has been flipped on its back and can't get…

— Pretty Ladii

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

— David Gerrold

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

— Eddie Izzard

I hate hearing her voice, and seeing her face. And we live in the same house... like hell.

— Rakii Retondo

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, as it's known to Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.

— Stephen Colbert