Certificates Quote by W. C. Fields

“I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.”

W. C. Fields

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Certificates Destroyed Earthquakes Fire Funny Havens Marriage Married Proof Prove San francisco Years

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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

W. C. Fields

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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

W. C. Fields

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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W. C. Fields

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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

W. C. Fields

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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

W. C. Fields

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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake…

W. C. Fields

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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

W. C. Fields

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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W. C. Fields

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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.

W. C. Fields

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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

W. C. Fields

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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

W. C. Fields

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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

W. C. Fields

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Explore all 221 W. C. Fields quotes

More Certificates quotes

He removed several pages of death certificates, which were picked up by another breeze and sent into the trees. Some would fall with the…

Jonathan Safran Foer

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Bonds are guaranteed certificates of confiscation

Franz Pick

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Now I have something. In fact, I have posted on the Internet more than Obama has. My birth certificate actually has signatures.

Orly Taitz

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No birth certificate is issued when friendship is born. There is nothing tangible. There is just a feeling that your life is different and…

Steve Tesich

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What do Obama and God have in common? Neither has a birth certificate. How do they differ? God does not think he's Obama.

Rush Limbaugh

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I have people that have been studying [Obama's birth certificate] and they cannot believe what they're finding... I would like to have him show…

Donald Trump

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I believe that every single human being is entitled to the protection of our laws, whether they can vote or not. Whether they can…

Marco Rubio

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I don't have my diploma from the University of Nebraska hanging on my office wall, and I don't have my diploma from Columbia up…

Warren Buffett

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President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the…

Craig Ferguson

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A mutual and satisfied sexual act is of great benefit to the average woman, the magnetism of it is health giving. When it is…

Margaret Sanger

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The only name on my birth certificate was Henley, no first name.

Rickey Henderson

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People should be _very_ careful when choosing the future fathers and mothers of their children. For that reason alone, it is extremely mean to…

Wilhelm Reich

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Certificates Quote by W. C. Fields

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